Caffeine Induced Ramblings
by UnillaDellaLuna
Summary: A place for my, mostly, Harry Potter centered random ramblings. Warning: Crack ahoy!


A/N: Blame Yamaban for this idea, his comment on my question as to whether I should use Underworld or Highlander sparked this bit of oddness. I don't own nor do I make any money off of the following; Underworld, Highlander, Jim Henson's The Labyrinth, Rambo, or Darby O'Gill and the Little People.

Omake for Mage or Wizard: Inter-species Poker

Roanoke Books, Craven, England

In a shadowed corner of the back room of Roanoke Books a strange meeting is taking place. Around a large round table an odd assortment of people have gathered; an elderly witch with a stuffed vulture on her hat sits smoking a cigar as to her right sits a house elf dressed like Rambo in tie-dye cleans a pistol. To the witch's left sits a scruffy, long haired brunette, male as he slices bread, cheese and sausages for sandwiches with his clawed hands. To his left sits a pale but beautiful black haired vampiress sipping a glass of what looks like wine, to her left sits a young looking dirty blonde sipping from a shot glass with a bottle of scotch sitting by his right hand, and to his let sits King Brian Boru, King of the Leprechauns, as he cuts a deck of cards.

If that strange grouping wasn't enough to the tables right stands another odd group around a pool table; a dark haired centaur lines up his shot at the head of the table as a human looking goblin in a suit leans on the wall behind him. At the end of the table stands an older looking human male as he leans of his pool que like a staff and leaning on the end of the pool table stands a dark haired human looking male.

As King Brian deal the first hand the esteemed witch, one Dame Augusta Longbottom, regent to House Longbottom, voices the questions many in the room were thinking. "While I do not mind a chance to win some money off of you our little "conference" has been called three days early and I at least would like to know by whom, why and who the house elf is?"

A resounding cry of "Aye" and "I'd like to know that too" came from all but three of the people in the room; King Brian, the house elf and the goblin.

"I am Eddy Madame Longbottom, and am the one to ask King Brian to call this meeting early, as to why, this meeting is to disgust Lady Manya." Came from the house elf as he took a shot glass full of scotch from the dirty blonde.

"And why pray tell must we speak of my daughter?" Came from the dark haired "human", one Vladislaus Corvinus, as he took his shot.

"Because Your Grace," King Brian answered as he folded, "young Eddy has passed on some disturbing news that is liable to anger Lady Manya and we all know angering your daughter is a VERY bad idea."

"Truly the understatement of the year." came from the goblin Blot as he took his shot and with a load crack managed to sink the eight ball too much groaning. "We all either know of or remember the Last time the Goddess lost her temper."

A round of groans came from the poker table as Augusta laid down her winning hand. "Aye," came from the dirty blonde as he shuffled the deck of cards, "it is a good thing that everyone simply figured one of the British bombers hit that train depo and didn't realize it was in reality a pissed off Fire Mage. And Blot you do realise that; one, Manya hates that name; and two, that she isn't here for you to annoy?"

"Yes I know that," returned Blot, "but I must keep in practice, don't want to forget to call her that, Connor."

"Wonderful, so what dire information are we attempting to hide from an easily angered firebug?" questioned the centaur as he set up the next game.

"I agree with Bane," the older looking human male, Joe Dawson, said as he lined up his shot, "what dire information does the house elf have?"

"Eddy here, "King Brian said as he tossed a few chips into the pile, "is the elf Manya tasked with guarding young Harry and the one to come to me, he should be the one to tell you what he found."

"I fold." Eddy grunted and tossed his cards down before throwing back his shot of scotch, "Very well, as King Brian said I am tasked with guarding the young Lord Potter, and may I add that the boy has inherited both the Corvinus and Potter luck at finding trouble; the kid is a walking ad for Murphy's Law."

"But anyway," continued the slowly becoming inebriated elf, "during the last school year the DADA teacher made a few attempts on the boy's life."

The elf motioned for Connor to give him another shot and downed it before continuing. "By the end of the year I found out that the wraith of Voldemort was possessing Quirrell, whom I shall evermore call Voldrell. I managed to depossess the man, by removing the back of his head were Voldemort was, before he could do much damage to Harry; but this incident has pointed out that the Dark Lord will continue to go after Harry. Now we all know how the Bosslady will react to anyone going after Her kitten."

"Yes," drawled the scruffy male, "we really don't need her leveling half of Europe removing the threat to the kitten. But what are we going to do to stop her?"

"Really Lucian, must you play with the food when there is a perfectly good knife right by your hand?" Asked the vampiress; Amelia, head of the Balkan Coven; as Lucian kept using his claws to slice the food. She reached over an smacked the Lycan when he ignored her.

"Ow damn it Amy!" Was his reaction as he rubbed his head. "Hey I just had a brilliant idea! Why don't we deal with the Death Eaters Before Mia finds out that they're real threat to Harry?"

"Wonderful idea Lucian," came from King Brian, sarcasm dripping from his words, as he showed his winning hand earning him groans. "as long as Manya doesn't find out w should be just fine."

"No, Your Majesty, it is a good idea; and you are right, Manya can't find out." Blot shuddered, "King Jareth is Still trying to dispel the curse from the last time he pissed her off; it is unsightly for the Goblin King to appear in a shower of glitter."

After the group stopped shuddering from the mental image Augusta asked a valid question, "Delightful. Now how are we going to go about this?"


End file.
